Self devised creative piece exploring the concept of 'Growing Pains'

A little bit of escapist fun

 

My grandmother had always been there. She'd always been the one sitting in the corner re-reading penguin classics, the one deafening the house with her TV shows, the one responsible for the delicious smells wafting from the kitchen... She had always been the only constant in my life. So now sitting in front of her coffin, well, I just couldn't quite believe she was in there. Now I was the one being there for her and it was a role rehearsal I wasn't ready to accept. The priest walked in and my chest started to heave. Fear gripped my body, it's unforgiving tentacles wrapping themseves around my heart. Hot tears leaked down my face, my heart slowed and my lung rhythm became non existent.

 

My senses came back to me slowly, starting with sound. There was a persistent beeping. My eyes followed, then my nose. Gradually I came to the realisation that I was lying in a hospital, the lights hurt my pounding head and there were nurses running around left right and centre. Confusion was my primary emotion. I tried to talk, to call it for help but no sound came out. My heart still ached, so I was reassured that my memory was still functioning. I tried to get out of bed but there were two nurses at my side instantly insisting I remain still. They would not tell me what had happened which unnerved me a bit to say the least. Eventually a doctor arrived to tell me that in the middle of my grandmother's funeral I had fallen unconscious and stopped breathing. He went on to explain that they are trying to determine the cause. He asked me my name and who my parents were... he didn't know yet.

 

I despised it. There was not one morsel of my being that wasn't telling me to do something but all I could do was lie there... Powerless. I should have done something to save her, but all I did was watch as the life poured out of her like sugar falling from a jar. This memory grabbed at my heart, tearing it apart slowly but surely. The disinfectant of the hospital became overwhelming, like a blanket being pulled over my head. Suffocating me. I had the sudden urge to scream. I succumbed and it all flooded out of me in a high pitched torrent of emotions; fear, confusion, anger and hatred. The scream stopped but the emotions still whirled around my body, using it as if it was a dance floor. I could not live like this. It wasn't going to get any better, but I could guarantee it would get worse.

 

My pale bare feet emerged from the side of my bed and I gradually sat up. My head spun and my heart quickened. I removed the wires and needles from my frail body and stood. That was the one time I was glad there were desperately sick people around, as without them I would have been caught by the nurses at this point. My hospital gown hung off me. I was a child again dwarfed in Daddy's shirt... Except he was lying stone cold underground. I managed to creep out of the ward and I found myself on the road outside. It is still unknown to me how I found my way up to Lighthouse Reserve. I was standing behind the fence which guarded the cliff. I was crying... But I was happy. This was what I wanted. This was what my life had led to. Not only was I happy,I was excited. My matchstick legs straddled the fence and I was standing on the other side. My tears were joined by rain. Sweet torrential rain. The clouds hung low in the sky and I stepped closer to the cliff edge. I found a bird carcass in the grass. I picked up a feather and threw it with all my might. The wind picked it up and played with it like a ragdoll. I watched it slowly make it's way down to the rocks below... The waves crashed over them, concealing their sharp edges. I looked up to the sky and laughed, before I knew it I was giggling hysterically, uncontrollably even. I turned my head to see various bystanders looking at me, and a few running towards me. It was then or never. My feet found the edge and then there was nothing. Everything went into slow motion; the people's screams pierced through the rain, I was falling so slowly, every movement was felt and controlled. Even the crash at the bottom felt blissful.  Each shattered limb represented a small part of my life that I hated. And then I woke up here surrounded by my family... It's strange what life does to you.